Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
