Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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