there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
