some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
