We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
