I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize