Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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