Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
