dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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