If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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