yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
