I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
