Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
