Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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