Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
