I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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