Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
