He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
