I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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