I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize