new low.... made out with someone while peeing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
