All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
