Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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