I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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