just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have aggressive nipples.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize