my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
