Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
