either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
