Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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