Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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