Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
