After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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