So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
