just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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