I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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