I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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