I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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