He uses pillows to masturbate.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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