I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
