just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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