Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
