i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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