Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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