and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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