I just threw up on my dentist
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
foreskin is a definite game changer
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
