omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
