Already got asked if we're dating
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
