We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
