At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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