the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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