Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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