just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
