I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
