look no pants
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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