just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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