he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just threw up on my dentist
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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