The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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