The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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