did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
