My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
