so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you win again, gameday.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
