Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
