how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
