I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
