I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
