when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
