you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
