Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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