I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
