is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
